


Against the Moon

by grav_ity



Series: Adversus Luna Ne Loquitor [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-18
Updated: 2010-01-18
Packaged: 2018-02-15 04:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2215257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grav_ity/pseuds/grav_ity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pieces are in play, and now destiny waits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I am nothing if not a patron of the pattern. Patterned titles, patterned number of chapters, patterned stories. The first two parts of this series are four chapters each, but at the end of chapter three of this fic, I just stopped. I actually stopped for NaNo, but in the process, I decided that I didn’t want to end this series the way I had originally planned to do so (that would be with the canon deaths of my two main character).
> 
> So this is a happily ever after. And an unapologetic one at that. And even though it means that I don’t get to include the scene which inspired me to write the whole thing in the first place, I am okay with it. Thank you all for following along.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Surprise!
> 
> Spoilers: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Remus Lupin usually avoided Diagon Alley. Even before he was outed at Hogwarts he’d been uncomfortable there. When he was a student, when he went with Sirius and James and Peter, his furry little problem seemed unimportant. As an adult, however, the wolf loomed above him, making him undesirable. Even if those he met didn’t know it, Remus was barred from their society, and he carried he stigma with him everywhere he went.

People wondered why he’d disappeared after Lily and James had died. He’d always assumed they’d chalked it up to grief and disillusionment. It was exceptionally rare for a Hogwarts Prefect to just vanish, after all. Traditionally, they went on to greatness. After Snape blew his cover, people stopped wondering. Instead of pity and vague confusion, Remus found himself the focus of distaste, mistrust and sometimes outright hatred.

By that point, however, he had very few ties to the wizarding world. Just Dumbledore and Harry, and a few people like Kingsley Shacklebolt who didn’t care how he spent the full moon. He ordered things by owl, travelled as much as his limited funds would allow, kept to himself, and came to believe that it was better for everything that way.

But something was different now. Something had changed. For the first time in years, he _longed_ for the wizarding world to accept him again. For the companionship of his colleagues, not just their respect and tolerance. For _specific_ companionship.

He knew he might have missed his chance on that particular point. He had kissed her. She had kissed _him_ , and when he’s felt the wolf surge inside him, he’d shut it all down. He was afraid, more afraid than he’d ever been in his entire life. He’d always feared the wolf, the swell of emotions and feelings that accompanied it, but this was different. No potion could dull these instincts, and he found himself craving more.

There were rules, laws even, that should prevent him from pursuing this. He could barely walk down the street in the wizarding world, let alone be a fully contributing member of it. It wasn’t fair to her.

Except he was sure that didn’t bother her. She had never treated him as anything but a friend, and she trusted him enough that she had turned to him for help. And somewhere between his front door and his sofa, he had decided he didn’t want to be her _friend_ , and her immediate and unspoken agreement terrified him.

So here he was in Diagon Alley. A test. If he couldn’t go to Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes, a place where he had no doubt of welcome from the proprietors, and make a simple purchase, he had no business pursuing anything with Tonks, regardless of their seemingly mutual attraction.

He had chosen this particular day deliberately. School had begun, so the rush was over, and during the day he was not liable to meet any Ministry employees. He would meet only a few people, and with luck, no one besides Fred and George would notice him, or care.

Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes was easily the most visible shop left in Diagon Alley. It was brazenly decorated, standing out from the drab and in some cases vacant shops that surrounded it. Remus couldn’t help but smile when he saw it. Fred and George had clearly not been stifled under the Ministry’s tenure at Hogwarts.

People had wondered where the twins had got their start up money, but Remus had not. Where Sirius had known Harry as a dreamt-up extension of James, Remus understood him quite well. Since they wished it kept a secret, Remus shared his conclusions with no one, and let everyone believe that the mail order business the twins had run was a disproportionate success.

The inside of the shop was even more flamboyant than the exterior. Remus, no fool, exercised extreme caution: he kept to the centre of the aisle and touched nothing. He’s seen the twins as experimental fifth years. He could only guess at what they’d picked up in the interim.

“Moony!” Fred exclaimed loudly from a level above that Remus couldn’t make out through the sheer amount of _things_ that obstructed his gaze. “George, get down here! We’ve got an important customer!”

Remus winced. Fred’s volume had ensured that every patron with a sight line was now staring at him. Any chance of anonymity was gone. At least Fred hadn’t used his name.

The twins, identical to the last freckle as far as the world was concerned, though Remus never had a problem telling them apart, appeared beside him. He smiled at their sudden appearance, even though he knew how they’d contrived it, and shook both their hands.

“Welcome Mr. Moony,” George said effusively. “We are very glad to welcome someone with your, shall we say, history of contribution.

Remus’s answering smile was completely genuine. He never could have guessed what far reaching effects the Marauders’ Map would have, but he was glad that it had crossed paths with the Weasley twins after Sirius had lost it to Peeves.

“Always a pleasure,” he replied, and discovered he was telling the truth.

“What are you in the market for?” Fred asked.

“I’m not sure what it’s called, actually,” Remus admitted. “Crookshanks ate one, and your mother was furious.”

“Ah, the Extendable Ear,” George said airily. “One of our very first endeavours. A classic, if you will.”

“We invented them specifically to eavesdrop on Igor Stravinsky,” Fred added, leaning in conspiratorially. 

“On who?” Remus asked.

“Muggle composer,” said George with a wink. “Wrote a beautiful piece for the horn called the Firebird Suite.”

“Ah,” Remus said. “Excellent choice.”

“We got it from Tonks,” Fred said. Neither twin noticed the flicker of emotion that passed across their customer’s face. “Her dad still loves that sort of music.”

“That goodness Muggle Music is the one thing our father isn’t obsessed with,” George said.

“Oh, I can’t see how any of it could be worse than ‘A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love’,” Fred replied. Then his face grew serious. “Am I to assume, Mr. Moony, that you will be doing some work for Mr. Stravinsky?”

“You are,” Remus replied, feeling a swell of pity for anyone who had ever thought these two were the duds of the family.

“We have a particular package for you, then,” George said. “If you will step into one of your testing rooms, we will assemble it for you.”

Remus followed George into a side room with a comfortable chair and table. Fred tossed him something small and flesh-coloured.

“That’s the Ear,” he explained. “Why don’t you try it out while we assemble your package?”

The twins disappeared as Remus opened the Extendable Ear. It was a little gruesome looking at first, but once its Chameleon Charm kicked in, Remus could barely see it.

“ _Wingardium Leviosa_!” Remus whispered, sending the Ear out into the hallway and setting it to hover in front of the first closed door he found. He put the string to his ear.

“ – Frankly, Molly, I am not sure it’s any of our business.” Arthur Weasley’s voice faded in like a radio being tuned.

“Arthur, I’m worried about them,” Molly replied. “Both of them. It’s not healthy.”

Remus shifted in his seat, wondering what was so wrong with the twins that their parents would visit them in the middle of the day in Diagon Alley.

“I just think you could say something to him,” Molly went on. “About how you understand a bit about what he’s going through.”

“What, because we’re poor and the Ministry doesn’t like us much, but we still manage to be happy?” Arthur said bitterly.

“Well, I don’t know that you need to say it like that,” Molly said. “But it wouldn’t hurt Remus to know he’s got friends and people who support him.”

Remus nearly dropped the string connecting him to the Ear. They were talking about him and Tonks. They _knew_ about him and Tonks.

“Andromeda things that Tonks is upset because of Sirius and Bellatrix,” Molly said.

“It is rather upsetting,” Arthur pointed out.

“Yes, and what did Andromeda have the last time Sirius and Bellatrix were involved in something that was upsetting?” Molly demanded. “What did we have, the first time You-Know-Who came to power? And again now with – Percy?”

For a long moment, Arthur Weasley was silent. Remus found he was holding his breath.

“You’re sure?” Arthur said finally.

“I’m sure,” his wife replied.

“All right,” Arthur said. “I’ll – ”

Remus heard footsteps approaching and jerked the string. The Extendable Ear flew back into his hand just as George arrived with a large brown box.

“It’s the Shield Hat,” George explained off of Remus’s questioning look. “Apparently we’ve made it immune to compaction charms.”

“I see,” Remus said. He was unable to stop the ghost of a smile from appearing on his face, even given his present state of shock. “What do I owe you, then?”

“Igor Stravinsky sends his compliments,” George replied. When Remus would have protested, he held up a hand. “Don’t. It’s standard procedure. If it makes you feel any better, we’re fleecing the Ministry.”

“And they know it,” Fred appeared in the room. “They even sent our own father to pick up their order. Thought it would soften us up.”

“Mum came with him,” George said. “You should say hello.”

“No!” Remus said emphatically. Both twins looked at him. “No, I must be going. This part of the Firebird Suite is a little time sensitive.”

Both twins instinctively glanced upwards for a moon they couldn’t see through the ceiling of their shop. They nodded their understanding, and showed Remus out of the shop with instructions to report on each item’s effectiveness upon his return.

Once back on the street, Remus felt his legs nearly give way. It was easy to misjudge the Weasleys. Most people who met them forgot that they had raised seven of the best wizards and witches in their generation. Even Remus, who was often misunderstood himself, had counted them short. Molly Weasley missed nothing, and she never fought a battle she didn’t know she could win.

What unnerved him was not their knowledge of his personal life, but rather their ease with it. For the first time since getting this assignment from Dumbledore, he rebelled against it. He wanted to go to her, to tell her what he’d heard and that he was sorry, and that he – that he loved her.

Somewhere in Muggle London, a church bell began to toll the hour. Remus counted the strokes and sighed. There was no time. It was for the best, he decided, as he prepared to Apparate. There were simply too many things in the way, and she deserved someone who wouldn’t have to disappear every twenty-eight days.

As the sounds of Diagon Alley were abruptly replaced by those of the Forbidden Forest, he heard a wolf howl in the distance.

It was time to get to work.


	2. Chapter 2

This was not what Tonks had imagined life would be like as an Auror. True, she’d known it would be dangerous and at times unpleasant, but she hadn’t thought it would be it would be so uncomfortable. Her fall and winter stationed in Hogsmeade had been downright miserable, an excruciating mix of enduring the freezing cold and the watching eyes at the Three Broomsticks. Madame Rosmerta may have been feeling poorly, but it had not affected her ability to read a patron. At least Rosmerta was not likely to pass on any information to the wrong sources.

By the time spring arrived, Tonks was a pale shadow of her former self. She spent most of her time patrolling, and what little down time she allowed herself alone. She moved at least once a month, as unregistered owls bearing nasty gifts always seemed to find her if she stayed in one place for too long. She didn’t tell anyone, not even Moody. She didn’t want them to think she was so ineffective that she couldn’t even properly screen her mail.

She avoided the Forest. She knew from reading reports that Fenrir’s pack had settled there and never doubted for a moment who their informant must be. Her dreams were back, dreams where the Forest was full of wolves and she couldn’t get away from them. She barely slept at all any more.

Hogsmeade seethed with rumours. The Dark Lord was in the Forbidden Forest. The werewolves and the centaurs had formed an alliance. There was even talk of a giant. Tonks ignored them all. If she could just shut it all out, then it wouldn’t matter that she couldn’t change so much as a fingernail these days.

When Tonks’s powers had first manifested, she had done quite a bit of reading about them. Some of the material she came across, she wouldn’t be able to understand for years, but even as a seven-year-old, she understood the need for control. Casso Vinci, a leading theorist in the field of metamorphmagi, had suggested that a metamorphmagus in his or her natural state was a blank slate, completely without colour or form. He’d been laughed out of academic circles, but Tonks could feel the colour seeping out of her every day, and wondered if there might be some truth to the theory.

If she could just yell at him, it would be so much better. But she knew that above all else Remus Lupin valued his privacy. He valued it so highly that he hadn’t even come to see her at her parents’ house before they both left on their separate assignments. She hated herself for respecting his wishes to this extreme. Merlin’s Beard, but Molly Weasley had given her enough openings, and she’d avoided them all. There was nothing for it now but to hope that they both survived this stupid war, and they maybe everyone would be so happy no one would notice if she yelled at him.

Tonks peered out the window of the tiny flat in Chelsea that was home until the next persistent owl chased her out. The moon, three days from full, was rising. It was time to go back out on patrol.

****

“Do you trust him?” a voice snarled, deadly and low.

“Of course not,” came the reply. “I don’t even really trust you.”

“Do you believe him then?”

“It’s a good story,” the second voice admitted. “And familiar. We all tried to stay with _them_ at first, when we were turned.”

“I still think we should kill him.”

“The Dark Lord was specific about this one,” the second voice became even lower. “If he really has turned, he has information that is worth the risk of pretending to trust him.”

“What shall we do, then?”

“I need you to make sure a certain rumour gets spread in the village,” Fenrir Greyback growled. “If the right pair of ears hears it, we’ll get our answer.

****

Tonks felt like her insides had frozen. She didn’t remember coming back to Hogsmeade from the Castle, and had only vague recollections of yelling at Dumbledore. All she could think was that last night the wolves had howled in her dreams, and then she’d woken to rumours that Fenrir Greyback had attacked a wizard in the Forest and left him for dead.

It was a full moon. Dumbledore had told her not to worry. Remus could take care of himself. All of these were reasons to stay where she was.

But she couldn’t. She filled her pockets with the last of her stash of the Weasley’s Peruvian Darkness Powder, took up her wand, and headed into the Forbidden Forest.

****

Remus hated changing in the Forest. Here there was no Wolfsbane, and the wolf raged within him in a way he’d all but forgotten. At least there was nothing here he could really hurt. Not even a werewolf was stupid to take on a unicorn, and centaurs would shoot on sight. Hogsmeade, with its full complement of Aurors, was off-limits. Mostly, the werewolves were content to fight amongst themselves.

Those hours when he was a wolf, encompassed by the pack and free of anything but the most primal of desires, were almost comforting. During the full moon, they were family. And Remus had been without family for a very long time. But it was one night, and the days were long and full of hatred. They hated themselves. They hated each other. And the _hated_ wizards. Most of them were so close to the wolf that they could rise to a killing rage with very little provocation. Remus had long ago given up any hope of changing minds, and was now biding his time while he worked on an escape plan.

Tonight they would change and maybe he could slip away under the guise of needing a solo hunt.

****

Tonks arrived at a glade in the Forest. There was a horribly black stain by one of the trees she identified as unicorn blood. It was old, and she wondered for a moment how it got there, until she remembered what Voldemort had done to sustain himself as he searched for the Philosopher’s Stone. She tore her eyes away from the dreadful mark, and took a deep breath. She had no real plan, which was stupid. If she died, she didn’t want Moody telling his future students that she was a moron.

She closed her eyes and thought of Christmas, of her father’s dancing reindeer apron and the way her mother laughed. Unexpectedly, she remembered a cold day in January spent undecorating 12 Grimmauld Place.

“ _Expecto Patronum_!” And there it was; the wolf with differences around his snout that any third year could identify as not quite right.

She loved it anyway, though. The way its silvery glow drove back the darkness and bathed her in warmth. Even though it mocked her, she loved it.

“Find him,” she whispered, and it led her back into the trees.

****

They wouldn’t let him leave. Remus was at a loss to explain his sudden popularity, but the wolves surrounded him. Tonight they all seemed to want t play, savage games of course, but play nonetheless. He had never felt this alive before, never felt this loved. The night was his, and there were a thousand scents in the air, each begging him to track them down and, if possible, tear their throats out.

Suddenly, one scent caught his attention and he froze. It smelled greyer than usual, but it was unmistakable. The other wolves stopped moving too, watching him. Remus found himself standing next to Fenrir, whose lips were curled back from his teeth in a growling snarl.

For a moment, all Remus could do was panic. She was here. And Fenrir knew it. Then he felt the wolf rise up inside him, blotting everything but instinct from his mind. Mis muscles straining against his control, sprang into action without his thinking about it, and he was bounding away.

Had he been able to think, he might have pondered the wisdom of leading the ravening pack right towards her, but the Wolf knew better. The pack knew she was here as well as he did. If he went the opposite way, they would merely split up and kill their prey separately. Fighting together was their only chance.

The wolf inside him quickly outpaced the pack. He’d never moved so quickly in his life. Remus had never fought as a wolf before, not on purpose, but he knew what he had to do. He could see her now, or rather, he could see the silvery light of what he assumed was her Patronus. It flickered through the trees as he ran, guiding him to her.

****

She heard them long before she saw them; wolves howling all around her. It was just like in her dream. But she had her Patronus, and somehow it was still solid and strong. She would not face them alone.

“ _Lumos_!” she shouted, sending bits of blue light into the trees all around her. The wolves already knew where she was, and fighting them in dark would not put her at an advantage. Her Patronus shone even more brightly.

A lone wolf burst into the small clearing with her. She raised her wand and was mid-swing before she realized that it wasn’t attacking her. 

“Remus?” she breathed. Immediately she felt like an idiot. She had been ignoring rumours for months, only to be taken in now.

The wolf licked her wand hand, and she forced those thoughts from her head. Now was the time to fight, not feel bad for herself. They moved into the root skirt of a large tree. It wasn’t ideal, in terms of defense, but it did mean that the wolves wouldn’t be able to come at them from behind.

That was all the time for preparations they had, because the clearing was all at once full of wolves. They snarled and howled, and Tonks began to fire curse after curse at them. Her Patronus leapt into the fray. It wreaked havoc. The other wolves couldn’t bite it, couldn’t maul it, but it could bite them. She saw Remus leap into the fray as well, but knew she had to hold up her end of the fight even more than he did, so she focused on the task at hand.

After stunning six or eight wolves with little effect on the pack’s determination, she realized that she needed to up the stakes. “ _Incendio_!” she shouted, aiming at a large black wolf. Instantly, the air was full of smoke and high pitched squealing, as wolf after wolf was lit ablaze.

The pack fell back just as Tonks’s Patronus came face to face with a large wolf. His fur was entirely black, save for his back, which was a cold and unfriendly grey. The Patronus engaged, but in her distraction, Tonks failed to notice the red-brown wolf sneaking up behind Remus. Her _Stupefy_ got there a fraction of a second too late, and the damage was done.

When Remus went down, the Patronus flickered. Fenrir howled in triumph.

“ _Accio_ Remus!” Tonks shouted. His body flew towards her as she rummaged in her pocket. 

The twin had given her a new product they had been working on when she went into their shop over Christmas. It was a variation of Peruvian Darkness Powder to which was added some bubotuber pus to give it an overpowering smell.

Remus crashed into her, knocking her over. Her Patronus disappeared and a chorus of wolf howls sounded. Fenrir was closing in. As he leapt for them, piled together in a mass of fur and robes and teeth and limbs, Tonks threw down the pod.

The darkness was instant, absolute and so nauseating that she gagged. The wolves, with their heightened senses of smell, whined and whimpered. It wasn’t much of a diversion, but it gave Tonks enough time to wrap both her arms around the wolf that lay on top of her and Disapparate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: It has been pointed out that I took some rather extensive liberties with werewolves in the last chapter, given that I am for all intents and purposes writing a canon story. I’ll admit it: I cheated. And I’ll also invoke the Albus Dumbledore “There is No Stronger Magic Than Love” clause, along with the Kingsley Shacklebolt “What _Can’t_ A Patronus Do?” clause (which, I think, has a bit more basis in canon given that we know that the presence of James, who is technically “prey” in his Patronus form, is a calming influence on Remus. Tonks can’t turn into an animal, but her Patronus turned into a werewolf, and I think that should mean something). I am exactly that kind of shameless.

The old sofa in Remus’s apartment collapsed under the combined weight of Tonks and the wolf as they dropped loudly on to it. Tonks would have sworn loudly, she’d been aiming for an unoccupied corner and apparently he’d rearranged the furniture, but the weight all but crushed the wind out of her. She struggled to push him off, careful not to aggravate his wounds, and then took stock of her surroundings.

It was, all told, not the worst of outcomes. She was stuck in a magically reinforced flat in London with a wounded werewolf, but at least they were alive. For the moment, Remus was unconscious, and therefore not dangerous. She debated keeping him thus until he changed back when the sun rose, but she wasn’t sure what effect that would have on his condition.

He hadn’t attacked her in the Forest. He’d been totally immersed in the wolf, but he’d know who she was.

“ _Expecto Patronum_!” she said, calling forth the silver wolf again. She didn’t know if it would make things better, but she knew it couldn’t possibly make them any worse.

The silver wolf was a little smaller this time than it had been in the Forest, but it was no less helpful. It placed a paw gently on each of the tears in Remus’s flank, and silver light staunched the flow of blood. Then it curled up next to him in the ruins of the sofa. Tonks felt months of denied exhaustion creep up on her. She was so tired she could barely more. She used her last conscious thought to float a blanket over top of Remus before she gave in, lay her head down on the soft, silvery hide of her Patronus, and fell asleep.

****

Hunger; Disorientation; Fear; The flood of memory. This was the path from werewolf to the man that he was the other twenty-seven nights of the month. Hunger was easily dealt with. Disorientation passed quickly enough. Fear was mostly laid to rest by the wolfsbane. And memory reminded him, however shamefully, of who and what he was.

Remus woke not to the increasing familiar scents and sounds of the Forbidden Forest, but to the surroundings of his flat in London. It was unexpected and confused him. He cast about in his mind for the memories that would tell him how this had transpired, but they were slow to surface. There had been a fight, and he’d run away. No, he’d run away and then there had been a fight. But he could not remember why.

He was undercover for the Order. His primary mission was to monitor the werewolf population and report on their movements and alliances. If possible, he was to keep them neutral, though everyone knew that was a long shot. But that night, after they’d all changed, something had happened and he’d fled.

Suddenly, Remus realized he was not alone. His eyes, finally his again, responded to commands and flew open. He fumbled for the wand he hadn’t carried in months, and then froze.

“It’s all right, Remus,” Tonks said softly from where she sat in the ruins of his sofa. “We’re both all right.”

He turned rather pink, all too aware that he was naked under the blanket he did not remember wrapping himself in. The memories came back in floods, then, and he looked back at her. She was grey and tired, but otherwise she was unharmed.

“That you,” he said. “For coming to get me. I was having trouble extracting myself.”

“That you?” she said. Her tone was cold “Remus it was a trap. I stupidly believed a rumour someone planted to expose you, and here you are. Exposed.”

“No,” Remus replied, reflexively clutching the blanket closer. “No, it’s not like that. I was close to being exposed anyway, but I couldn’t get out. I don’t care _why_ you came after me, but if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to escape.”

“Of course you don’t care,” Tonks said mechanically. “I should go and let you rest.”

“No!” Remus said, wishing he could let go of the blanket and hold her instead. “No, I won’t make that mistake again. I sent you away when you needed a friend, and, well, I’m sorry.”

“Remus,” she said, her voice sad and old beyond her years. “Whatever made you think I wanted to be your _friend_.”

She might have looked out of sorts, but she still moved quickly. His legs tangled in the blanket as he scrambled to stand, and she had her hand on the door by the time he gained his feet.

“Tonks, wait,” he said. “Please just, wait.”

She paused, but did not turn. He took a step towards her.

“Tonks, being my friend puts you in enough danger,” he said. “I can’t offer anything else.”

“Do you think I went into the Forest because of friendship?” she asked, her face still hidden from him.

“Then why?”

“I didn’t even think about it, Remus. I just _went_. I though you were in danger and I went after you.”

He remembered running, flying almost, as all four legs stretched across the ground; his only though getting to her before the others did. He’d been so _certain_. But those thoughts belonged to the wolf, to the obsessive monster that lived inside of him, the monster he fought so hard. To acknowledge this would give the wolf a new power, and Remus had spent most of his life denying the wolf any power at all.

“Tonks, I can’t,” he said.

“Then neither can I,” she replied. And then she was gone.

****

Remus had not planned to leave Harry in the infirmary, but he quickly realized that Harry had other priorities at the moment. He found himself retreating to a corner, unable to tear his gaze away from Bill and Fleur, until Molly Weasley intercepted his stare, and he backed even further into the shadows.

Automatically, it seemed, he found himself looking at Tonks. She was talking with Madame Pomfrey, and hand placed comfortingly on the Matron’s shoulder. His heart swelled. Even in the face of tragedy, she reached out.

Tonks could feel Remus’s eyes on her, but she very nearly didn’t care. As horrible as the catalyst had been, her personal demons were now aired for all to see, and those she respected most had not thought any worse of her for it. If anything, they thought the better of her. She loved, even though it was impractical, and now she didn’t have to hide anything anymore. She felt dark brown seep into the roots of her hair, the first colour in months, replacing the grey of secret-keeping and self denial.

She was very well aware that her euphoria as a response to shock, and that it would all leave her at any moment as the harsh reality of Dumbledore’s death crashed in on her. She had no desire to be in the infirmary when it happened, so with a few more word of encouragement, she extricated herself from Madam Pomfrey and headed for the exit.

He followed her, drawn into the maze of Castle corridors that filled slowly with bewildered and grieving students.

There were hundreds of secret nooks and hidden rooms at Hogwarts. As word of what had transpired on the Lightning Struck Tower spread, they slowly filled. Small groups of students gathered in their favourite haunts to grieve in private, unable even to face their common rooms. 

She led him to a section of the castle he didn’t know very well. He might have been a Marauder, but Sirius and James had been chiefly interested in those parts of Hogwarts where opportunities for mischief were close, and secret passages for escape were closer. Both were limited in the area of the Hufflepuff common room.

Though they passed students near the entrance and near the toilets, the hallway Tonks finally stopped in was deserted. She turned to face him, and for the first time, Remus saw a determination in her countenance that had been lacking for a long time now. Her cheeks were pink again, and there was the beginning of a glimmer in her eyes. The hair that framed her heart-shaped face seemed to thicken and became a dark shade of purple as he watched her. He realized that she had let him follow her this far, but if he went any further, she would no longer lead him.

“I truly did think I was broken,” he said, reaching out to take her hand. “After Lily and James, and Peter and even Sirius, I thought I was alone forever. So many people lost family and friends to Voldemort, but to lose all four of them at once just fractured me.

“It’s like I became two beings,” he went on. “The man who lived for nothing and the wolf who felt everything. I’ve always been afraid of the wolf, so it was a good place to hide things I couldn’t deal with. Eventually, well, you know what happened.”

He took her other hand and held them both between his. He stepped forward and reached up to tuck a strand of purple hair behind her ear. She turned her head ever so slightly into his touch. 

“In the Forest that night, I didn’t think either,” he said, and it was like a weight fell away. “I knew I had to get to you. I knew that if we stayed apart, we both be killed. I knew that if we fought together, we’d be stronger.”

His hand was behind her head now, tangled in long strands of hair. She stepped towards him as his other arm went around her, and she tucked her head under his chin.

“And I was afraid,” he said. “And I’m still afraid. But I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to do it on my own. I want – ”

He trailed of as she looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes. He bent towards her.

“I want you,” he breathed, whispering the words in her ear like a prayer. “Tonks, I want you.”

They were both trembling now, as wave after wave of emotion coursed through them. He breathed in her scent, the one constant in a body full of change, and knew that whatever she looked like, he would never tire of the things she couldn’t change.

She turned her face back to his and willed her hair to its brightest pink. He smiled, and smile so broad it turned into a laugh. She drew his face down and kissed him, laughing as he pulled her closer. He trailed a line of kisses along her jaw and whispered in her ear again. 

“I love you,”

He felt her face shift into a smile that lit up the entire corridor.

“In that case,” she said, her eyes full of promises that no longer filled him with fear. “You should probably call me Dora.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **finis**
> 
> AN: Thanks for reading along, my friends. I am sure none of you will mind the happy ending (originally, the fight scene which leads to the Harry/Remus showdown involved the line “as a pair, we hardly lack for change”, and then he just leaves and I couldn’t bring myself to do it). If you need insulin to combat the excessive sappiness of that last bit, please feel free to contact your medical provider. 
> 
> If you are interested in knowing my reactionary, not quite canon (well, at least not "interview" canon!) take on what happened during the Battle of Hogwarts, check out Dance with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight, the second part of Before and After.
> 
> Gravity_Not_Included, January 14, 2010


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